Productive Love

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Photo Credit: Carlos R.

One of my oldest friends turned 21 yesterday, but I missed her birthday.
Another friend has a birthday today, but we won’t get to party until next week.
One of my closest friends is in town for ten days, and the thirty minutes we snagged in the entryway threatens to be the only time we share together.
Dinners,
coffee dates,
housewarming parties. I want to do all of it.
I want to neglect meetings, babysitting, cleaning the bathroom to have the capacity for it.

Often I feel my heart compressing under the weight of life’s demand and my desire to be free.

Tell me where to find the life in productivity.

After a while, when I realized I couldn’t meet the demand and chase my desire at the same time, I gave up my desire.
I didn’t want to become a slave to the demand, so I told the Spirit to bring to me the people he wanted me to spend that week with.

He did, and the pace of life didn’t slow. But the flavor of the friendships was different, sweeter, as I yielded to his leading.

I continued to shut down my desire, just to keep my head above water.

The number of coffee dates you can schedule into your week is not the measure of love. The number of “slots” you have filled is not the measure of living.

The thing about desire is that it has a mind of its own–or heart, rather.
It will always follow you, and trying to live apart from it is like trying to divorce your feet from your shadow.
Go ahead, pretend that you don’t have desire; ignore it trailing in your wake.
You are living in a world of light, and there is never an angle where your shadow is not revealed.

Love is a one-way street. Will you still seek them if there is no return? 

My love cannot save anyone. Yet I pour my life out as though it will. Their love cannot save me. Yet I will do anything to avoid their rejection.

What if I were loved?
What if someone poured out his life for me?
What if his love was my acceptance, my joy, my freedom, my heartbeat?

God is enough, but you need them. 

What if I were loved?
What if I didn’t drive within the guardrails of fear and self-protection?
I ask the Spirit to steer my relationships because I am afraid to pursue them with an abandoned desire.

What if I were loved to make my desire good?
What if I were loved to be free?
What if I were loved to love them in the way that I am loved?

After God made Adam from the center of his being, he saw that Adam should not be alone and made another person from the center of Adam’s being. Every person ever since was meant to be a replica of the fullness of God. 

What if we were loved.
What if there is more to this life than what we are living.

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